Heavy Heart

I was poised to come to my blog as I usually do on Monday mornings and post pics and stories about our weekend with Taylor....cookie exchanges, funny stories, chickens in our driveway, holiday park dates and more.  But when I placed my fingers on the keyboard, I found the stories would not come.  My heart is too heavy. I feel too selfish. 20 parents in Connecticut sent their babies to school Friday morning and an hour later, those babies were gone forever. My heart aches for those parents and so this week, I will not blog about how I enjoyed yet another special weekend with my 5 year old while 20 parents grieved with the loss of their 6 or 7 year olds. I will tell you instead that countless times I looked at Taylor this weekend and thought how lucky I am that we still have him and get to love him and hold him and hopefully watch him grow.  But Friday's events also reminded me that nothing is certain, that we have no guarantees even for our youngest and most innocent so I will breathe in each moment because you really never know what the next day, hour, moment, breath will bring. This week, I will not blog about my son.  I will use the silence to remember those others sons, and daughters, who were stolen from this world too early.

When I was pregnant, I found a quote that I loved and I put it in my wallet that very day back in 2006 - it says "From this day forward, you will not walk alone. My arms will be your shelter and my heart will be your home."  I have remembered that quote often these past two days. Mainly because I think it does not  occur to parents that their arms might not actually be there to offer that shelter when their children need it most. And yet 20 parents in CT were hit with that reality Friday. It goes against the fiber of every parent's being - the idea that sometimes we simply cannot protect our babies. This is all just too too wrong.

My heart is with you, Sandy Hook families. Wishing you all the peace and strength and grace you need right now and in the times to come.